1. Isn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger the MOST LIKELY person you’d suspect is a secret agent?
I can believe Arnold Schwarzenegger as a lot of things – as a futuristic robo-murderer who doesn’t understand basic human emotions, as a commando who murders aliens, as Danny DeVito’s identical twin brother? Sure. All believable. But one thing that’s REALLY hard to buy is that Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger is fooling everyone in his life into believing that he’s a boring suburban computer salesman.
Look at the dude – he’s bodybuilder Austrian monster-human. No one’s ever gonna look at that guy and think “some boring dude who probably never blows up terrorists.” And yet we’re supposed to believe his wife and daughter haven’t seen through this yet?
This is one of the biggest miscasts ever – if you had to guess which character was secretly a super agent spy, Arnold would absolutely be the first one you’d guess. And we’re supposed to buy that his family had no idea he wasn’t some podunk nothing.
Really, Tom Arnold and Arnie should have switched roles. They already share one part of their name, it wouldn’t have been that hard.
2. Why does Arnold REFUSE to get off the horse in his big indoor chase scene?
For most of the chase scene where Arnold is on the horse and the main Crimson Jihad terrorist is on the motorcycle, both probably would have been able to move a little more quickly and ably if they had just gotten off their modes of transportation and ran on foot. There’s just too many obstacles in the hotel that the chase takes place in. Also, what the hell are you doing on a horse, Arnold?
But the part that really makes zero sense is after the Main Terrorist gets onto an elevator with his motorcycle (which also doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but we’ll get to that in a bit). Seeing this, Arnold proceeds to get on a separate elevator WHILE STILL RIDING HIS HORSE. Thankfully, this Marriott built elevators big enough to hold a horse for some reason, but here’s the problem: the elevators are going up towards the roof. What good do you think a horse is gonna do you on TOP of a building, Arnold? There’s a limited amount of space for the Main Terrorist to run, so it’s not like you need to catch him with speed. Also, you got REAL lucky that horse didn’t freak out inside that elevator and stomp you and that elderly couple to death.
When they finally reach the roof, the Main Terrorist gets EXTREMELY lucky – seeing a rooftop pool on a nearby building – and is able to make the jump thanks to his motorcycle. But then Arnold thinks he can do the same thing with a horse – which is confusing for a few reasons:
- There’s no way you’re going to get a horse to go as fast as a motorcycle with like 20 yards to work with, dude.
- Actually getting the horse to jump off the top of a building is gonna be a tough sell for the horse.
- You are DEFINITELY going to kill both yourself AND the horse doing this.
Of course, it doesn’t work, but at least Arnold didn’t murder a horse for no reason.
3. The CIA (or Omega Sector, whatever) stages an incredibly elaborate sting operation just to embarrass a guy who was trying to sleep with someone’s wife?
I get that the Omega Sector would want to look out for their own and help each other out, but – jeez – they commit A TON of resources to embarrassing Bill Paxton (who they know is just a dopey used car salesman and not an actual threat) and getting him to admit he’s got a little dick. This is on a scale that isn’t even as big as what they send out for ACTUAL TERRORIST THREATS later in the movie. Did they all know they were just there for a married agent’s personal agenda? Did Arnold lie a bunch to trick everyone into going along with this? DID NO ONE CONSIDER HOW FUCKED UP THIS WHOLE THING WAS?
That being said, haha Bill Paxton’s got a little dick! Totally worth a $20 million off-the-books black ops mission.